Suicide, Astral Projection, and help/advice.

Hey guys :)

I apologies if this post is in the wrong discussion, I'm urgently seeking answers to a lot of Astral Projection questions that have been stuck in my head for quite a while now, and I haven't had much luck in finding what I perceive to be the correct answers or advice. All the other AP forum sites wouldn't let me post because my accounts are still awaiting activation from admins (Even after weeks!) :-\

I'll try to keep this post as short as possible because I do have a lot of questions to ask and a story to tell that will help you understand my current situation, and why I'm asking such questions in the first place...

Here goes......

Since the age of about 10 or 11 my physical life shall we say, has been plagued by a series of problems that I've had for the last 11 years or so, I won't go into details but it's safe to say they manifested mentally some time between the end of my childhood and just before my teenage years.

A down side to these "Issues" in the beginning was the numerous suicide attempts/obsession with suicide as a whole (Which I believe was some sort of harsh side-effect to the problems I was experiencing at the time). Understandably a lot of physical help was poured into me in the hopes that I could somehow live a normal life again (with 99% of the help failing miserably).

It's worth noting that I had some sort of spiritual interest even before I developed these problems, as a child I experimented with religion and read the bible occasionally, but it wasn't until I started having these desires to end my own life and attempting suicide that my spiritual/afterlife curiosity shot through the roof, after all I assumed I would never fail at taking my own life, and understandably I wanted to know what would happen, and what I could expect once I finally succeeded. (Heaven/Hell/Nothing etc...)

(Fortunately I've learned to cope a LOT better with these mental barriers and I no longer have the crazy episodes anymore, my life feels extremely stable and normal now compared to what it used to be.) After every physical method of help failed to rid me of these problems, I re-discovered so to speak my spiritual curiosities and wondered if a cure (If that's the right word to use) could be found through spirituality. (Just to clarify, the problems I experience are mental, not in the physical body if that makes sense).

After stumbling across Astral Projection I just knew it HAD to provide the cure I've been longing for all these years! the Akashik records could tell me where to go to find this cure couldn't they? They must be able to! The records know everything! (Or so I assumed at the time). They could at LEAST tell me if I was going down the right path and if these problems were completely normal in the life that was planned out for me, or if I was doing something wrong!

So desperately (and excitedly) I started to try and learn astral projection, I've studied countless video's, visited many many web sites, tried 90% of AP methods, and had all kinds of advice from different people, and 2 years later I still haven't had an OBE or even got to the vibrational stage. I don't want to put a negative damper on my progress, because I DO lose a lot of feeling, and experience tingles. At some points I even lose feeling of most of my legs and arms, almost as if I don't have limbs! But that's as far as I've ever got unfortunately :(

I really WANT to Astral Project because I feel my only other option IS suicide, and while I may have learned to cope much more significantly, my underlying problems haven't gone away, and still strip me of living a normal life (I could technically live along side these problems, but I'd be so restricted with what I could do that there'd be no point in sticking around in the physical). Long story short, my main questions are:

1. If Astral Projection doesn't work and I resort to suicide as the final "cure" to my problems, what will happen to me? Or any other Astral Beings that commit suicide?

2. On the contrary, if I finally manage to master Astral Projection, would the Akashik records be able to explain why my life is the way it is or point me in the right direction/towards a cure?

3. Why, after almost 2 years have I had almost no luck despite pretty much mastering relaxation and trying 90% of the AP methods out there?

4. Would I be punished for the hurt I caused people if I chose suicide?

5. Does suicide leave a negative and somewhat awkward energy around that person when they commit suicide and interact with other astral beings?

6. Could I bring back specific talents/healing that could help me mentally from the astral plane?

Phew!! ;D Sorry for the novel guys! I really hope it isn't too much to take in!  :-\

Thanks in advance for taking the time to read my post and offer me advice!

Peace & love,

Mark.